I have been trying to get the formatting correct on my poetry book ALL day. It has driven me to complete battiness. Well, that and my allergies. My head and nose are a mess, it is kind of fun – I am loopy. I say, finally, because I decided to let it go and hit publish on the book. It is in the process now. I can still edit it and that is comforting.
I have noticed that I am getting a little discouraged because I have not had the time to go into research mode on some topics that I would like to venture, but this week is another week filled with social extravaganza so I must save it for later.
Of course, I will share some of my meanderings! I said, I have not gone into “research mode” that is my supersonic-unstoppable-razor-sharp-focus-mode. Research, yes, research mode no. Ha ha ha
I hope I do not sound too loopy, I cannot tell what I am writing. I am just letting it flow. Sometimes I have to do that to get the jumble stuff out of my head.
I have not only had ton of real life social situations this week, but the social stress I feel in the month of April started to take its toll on my mind. I think I combated my anxieties with Autism Awareness Day, but I still feel the lingering bits of something I cannot quite articulate.
This year, I admit I am too tired. I have been through a lot of mind shifts and soul searching. I haven’t the mental energy to spend on much else, but keeping my mind clear and focused. I am doing things in my community, YES, in real life to bring awareness and hopefully acceptance. Some of the events I am going to will have parents that possibly have not met an adult Autistic. Maybe I will have a chance to share, who knows. I am focusing on making connections and go from there.
My social anxieties about going to new places and meeting new people have gotten much less. However, just because I do not “feel” like I used to does not mean that my body and mind are not feeling the effects. I still have anxieties, but have better ways to cope with them … positives ways to cope with them.
Since I have had a burst of self-esteem, it has not been as difficult. It also helps that I have had positives social encounters repeatedly. That makes a huge difference in my anxiety levels. I even had a strange and unnecessary occurrence with a family member on facebook today. I may write a post about it when my head is not so fuzzy. In the past, this incident would have sent me into a panic.
I would have looped, fretted, feared, and panicked some more, but not today. I actually, laughed it off. I do feel some of the prickly bits around my heart that feels like my anxiety, but I have done so much this week and more to do this week that it could be all of that wrapped up together.
Ok, my allergies are getting really bad. I had better go take something and get some good rest. I know this may not be that interesting of brain babble from me. Oh, well there has to be moments where we just let the rambling go and move on.
Sharing a little bit.