I just watched Felix Baumgartner jump from space. Wow! That was too amazing. The suspense was too much there for a few minutes. I was anxious and excited for him at the same time. I took pictures from the monitor because I am silly like that. They will probably have better ones soon, but hey, I got my own.
Between the excitement of this incredible event and the wonderful red-tailed hawk that showed up in my backyard I can barely contain myself! Yippie! The hawk watched every move I made as I tried to get a good picture of him. I hope he sticks around I like him a lot. I have some photos of a twisted tree too. Here is more interesting stuff to check out if you have not already about Mr. Felix who, happens to have a grand-fine-lively name. (I used to have a cat named Felix and I am rather fond of the name. ) Red Bull Stratos
I have been challenging myself lately with trying to write new forms of poetry. Several months ago I wrote about a dream I had and my discovery of the poetry form Cherita. Here is the post if you would like to take a gander, Dreaming… I have found that my attempts of trying structured poetry is calming to my mind. I do find comfort with writing free style as well, it is the most natural to me, but it can at times feed into the emotions that I am looping on. Many times it is not a problem. Sometimes… it is.
Today I attempted writing a few Cherita’s. They did come rapid in my mind and felt very soothing while writing them. I found it fun to write them. I think I will continue to practice. The purpose is to write a story within the six lines of the poem. I do believe I want to spent some more creative time working on these. It may be a beneficial exercise to developing creativity and purpose in story writing.
Side note: I am feeling very analytical today. Much of it is analyzing my behaviors and thoughts. I have been combing over my decisions in life and wondering my reasons behind them. I confess I have been rather fixated on disorders and mental issues. It is one of my loops that I fall into. However, I do have to fill out a lot of paperwork about myself in regards to my mental balance and imbalance so it seems appropriate that I would venture off into trying to psychoanalyse myself for the umpteenth time.
If you feel you would enjoy the pleasures of dissecting all of your mental issues and whatnot’s feel free to join me. I found this wonderful link Out of The FOG. I will only share one today. Ha ha ha
For some reason these songs have tapped into me today.
If I were to let you go – would I survive? Smoke filling my lungs, coughing out asymptotes curving with no end, the space between half way gone, and half way here – what is our equation? Empty space filled, parallel universes sprawling out our story. It does not live in this plane, or does it?
Calculate, divide, tear – generate some concept, mathematically playing numbers, into the perfect octave, in some place and time that ends with no beginning. The dance of brainwaves, escaping through the wormhole, left leg reaching, right light still here, the numbers continue clicking.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was looking into my drafts and discovered this. I enjoyed it and thought I would share. Maybe I will add more to it at some point and edit it. I don’t know. This post is basically to get out some lingering drizzles that are floating about in my head.
Have read this several times and my mind still says this, “What the Hell???” Yes, I used a curse word and I confess my brain has more than three questions marks. Now I understand needing to rediscover yourself as a “freed up mom” and all. What I do not understand is to seemingly go backwards. I am not intending to sound judgmental I truly do not comprehend why a 40 year old woman wants to go around doing drugs and hooking up with college guys. I didn’t want to when I was 20 and I sure heck do not want to now.
I do not get “sexting” at all… at all. However, I am not a big texter anyway so I guess I would not want to be a sexter either. Nor would I want to waste my time trying to think of sexy type things to say because I am not good at that either and I am positive I would end up sexting something like, “You so sexy – me do you long time” while laughing hysterically, then texting “Oh, I got to pee!” Yeah, me so sexy. Lol! Ok, I will stop with that.
I tweeted this next one the other day, but it is worth another share.
Anyone else like to sit around and watch all the flights over the U.S.? It is rather calming sometimes and the planes are yellow! When you click on them they are red! Yellow and red my happy colors! Flightradar24
I guess I am finished with my mind dumpage for now…
Healing through music, openness of the heart – drift into peace. Find comfort in these swells. They swell as water over the mind, body, a spirit thirsty, decaying in a drought – slowly come to life. Flowers brush lips a fresh wind blow, dew kisses upon a sweaty brow. Sink deeper in pollinating dreams, landing on the flutter of bees wings – fly out to breathe again. Anew glow fill murky eyes, tears consume in drowning air – engulfed under the fresh sight. Hue captured this heart. Escape from crusty flesh, skin soft – cleansed in sparkle. Undone, unwrapped folding down in light – a magnificent embrace.
(That came out while listening to the song below. I am not sure if I am finished with it yet, we’ll see.)
Yowza! Sometimes songs just say the darnedest things. I listened to this song a hundred times while in the store earlier this evening. Why do people look at you as if you are doing something wrong if you are wearing headphones and iPod shuffle clamped to your shirt, but they do not seem to care if someone is on the phone or texting? Possibly it is what I do while I am listening to my music… maybe I am dancing all over the aisles and do not even know it because secretly I am a C.I.A. sleeper agent masking around as a Looney tune. It is quite possible that I am a cartoon character and did not know it also! Egad! What am I?
Pay no mind to me, I was sucked into an episode of Dark Matters earlier and it made my imaginations run wild. There are some days I should not go onto the Science Channel. I am contemplating on whether I should stick with watching the Olympics. It is currently on in the background. However, I am feeling very much drawn to TED. I have planned on watching Transcendent Man a documentary about Ray Kruzweil for a few days now. Have yet to do it. So many things to watch so little time, unless we actually do live for eternity – if that is the case I will need to run along and get some supplements and change my entire diet to prepare for nanobots to come into my blood stream and fight any disease that may evolve in my system for the next, I don’t know billion eternity years.
Off to TED and TEDx researching mindfulness… for the moment.
I had to stop myself from getting obsessive about some of the Tech art sites. (I only shared a few.) It makes me scream giggles and clap with excitement. So freaking cool!!! I know, I know I can be a nerd. SO!
Come with me, come with me, my sweet lovely, on a trail of make-believe and reality. We will spring into a fancy new dimension, that used to be all fantasy of optical illusions. Here we trip into the past pulling it into the future. Ideas, dreams, visions of grandeur morphing a new existence! Oh, I love the future and past, embracing full present tense walking on the clouds of space waiting on happenstance. Giggle That was fun.
Speaking of happenstance…
I am stuck on French things currently, not sure why, maybe it’s me enjoying my name Angélique supposedly meaning “Messenger of God.” I just like saying it repeatly sometimes to remind myself of what my name is. I forget my name sometimes. Hee hee It is quite easy to fall into Angel and think nothing more, but I do have four additional letters to my name. I like to say “ique” repeatedly as well. Somewhere in the middle is the le point du jour. (leuh pwahn doo joor) I found it much more fun to say than aurore, they are both fun to say.
Love, love, love, hum-hum-hum don’t know what she is singing and I do not care…la la la
This video is more beautiful than I could ever describe… no words to describe. I may have some to describe how it made me feel. Soon…
After watching this video, I am madly, wildly, intriguingly, indubitably, full of a word that I cannot describe. The closest thing is love, though it falls short and does not impact what is bursting out of me at this moment. Today… I have been given today, and I am loving it!
Funny the next video I am sharing, I have no words for yet I am watching it as I type. I am still on body parts, studying the body, especially trying to understand my own. This does all tie into other things that I am pondering such as body-image, and what does it mean to be a woman. My data base (brain) is consuming and processing.
Without further ado… (I like using ellipses (triple-dot punctuation mark) today…)
I experienced this feeling and connection one time in my life, and I am so stoked to hear it explained to me. It has been such a source of confusion for me. I was not necessarily ”stroked” in the manner that she is referring to, but I experienced intense pleasure, connection, and the only other word I can think of is respect. I felt respect in our alone time together and like my body was not being mauled. I know that sounds horrible, but that is the best way I can describe it.
It fills me with connections and joy just thinking of that person. They helped me feel connected to myself for some reason… I wonder if their empathy for me boiled over to make it possible for me to feel it for myself. I don’t know I am babbling now… Quantum leap – brain gush – infinity. Big smile.
I am back.
How ironic I have been exploding (ha ha ha I said “exploding”) with intense “love” emotions today and discover this video about orgasm and connection only moments ago. I have had a lot of that today – many things all overlapping and linking in my mind. Must be because Friday the 13th is so lucky!
As you can see I am off on some sort of loop. I am not sure where I am going, but I am sure it will be a wild ride! Weee!! I am needing a techy fix soon – tomorrow I presume. Today X- class Solar Flare! AND Aurora Forecasts!
My mind is seeking order and comfort. I am quiet I think. I seem to be processing some issues with self-image, and old thinking patterns. They are not allowed to be here anymore, but they are trying very hard to sweet talk me. It is good actually I will write it all out later on my other blog. So…to help my abstract mind seeking order in chaos, which is exactly how it should be here are my treasures for today.
I fell in love with these songs and the first video today.
Revealed
my eyes sucked in pure beauty
no space left -
all consuming disconnect
power diffused
limp in swarming colors
lift from gut -
to high skies
wrapped in infinity’s arms
abrasive face sheds layers
rough and patchy
flakes dissipate
gleaming warm flesh
touch my face
cup your hand
hold my cheek
warm tears splash -
into your skin
my eyes can see
rub my flesh -
its real
pet my eyebrows -
they exist,
and my lashes splatter
flecks of cleansing oceans
look upon my lips -
quivering with grin
caress them gently
tell them they are fine
my smile lines sear into your secrets
make contact-
kissing my forehead
as it shines into your lips
I am revealed
unpeeled
melting through you
search my parts
wiggle on through
bring forth all hidden
desires and truth
let lingering whispers
cast their way out
unmold folded venues
force concealed trickery
blasting color spouts
burst forth
expound
evacuate
set slivered space
self-denial
weeping state
reach into vagueness
evasive hallows
manifest fears
face them
then, let go
evoke all that is hiding
set locked eyes upright
tear open innards
exposing what’s bright
embrace the shadows
hold on to the thorns
vacuum in depths
capturing all scorns
blackness feels delightful
revealing its face
casting all silhouettes
in their rightful place
evoke my shallows
evoke my heart
evoke all within me
evoke illuminating sparks
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ah, I am quite the envokenator today. Sigh… I feel lost and mixed. Mingled and messed. My day did not go as planned and I am frustrated with several things – mainly with my mind wandering places I do not want to go. Apparently, I need to and I cannot fight it any longer. I just don’t know what to do and I have no one I can talk to about it. Hence, my mind racing and pounding emotions and words to spiral me all over the place.
Good thing I am in a strange sort of balanced state, but feeling a bit lost. I know I am trying to adjust to my new environment. Honestly, I have not felt this happy in a place for years. I was rather happy in the last mid-western town I lived in, but it is nice to be home for a while I do admit. It makes me want to tear off all my clothes and run around my yard barefoot and naked!! However, I would be arrested so I will not do that. This urge could come from my childhood since, I was notorious for taking off all my clothes and running around naked. Who told us we were naked, anyway?! Ha!
I watched this today. That is all I must get to building a bookcase.
I have been going through some serious withdraw. My creative juices are all kinds of jumbled, and I cannot seem to get my groove on. Ha ha I do believe it is because I just moved several hundred miles and have been unpacking, getting vertigo, for some reason the right side of my body keeps going numb and tingling, oh, yes AND I have not had internet other than my iPhone, which happens to make me dizzy and get vertigo when I type or read for prolonged periods of time. SO… I have been enjoying my new scenery and loving my backyard, trees, critters, and a bit of rain this fine afternoon.
I am hoping to get back into the swing of things now that my computer is up and running with mad speed internet skills, and I am no longer confined to a hallway as my office space. I get to look out at beautiful greenery and giant maple trees. Fabulous bunnies, squirrels with attitudes, and a billion types of birds to admire. I am loving this place very much. I still have a lot to do, but managed to get large amounts accomplished while going through internet withdraw, vertigo confining me to bed, and playing in water of course!
I cannot believe I had to wait until now to share my complete excitement about Higgs boson! I have been following this for years – I find all of it so fascinating and it gets my imagination running wild. Rumor has it they named it the “God particle” because they could not use the real name they called it. Since it is such a tricky little particle, they did call it the god (fill in the blank) particle. Now, now, that should ruffle a few feathers out there. I think they should make it common knowledge though so the others who get offended at the implication that the particle supposedly represents the reality of a deity can settle their feathers a bit.
Why can’t we just enjoy all the awesomeness about the possibility of this amazing scientific discovery? Just sit and image for a moment what this could mean… sit in silence and ponder. Are you pondering? Maybe you need to watch this.
Theoretical physicist Garrett Lisi - Theoretical Physicist!! Pure awesomeness! I wish I were a Theoretical physicist. I want to plop myself down right in the middle of a CERN conference and soak in all of their energy, pleading for the cosmos to fill my brain with knowledge. Oh, my deep dark fantasies exposed. Lol! If you would like to go on an adventure, go check this out ICHEP2012 Press Page. Blogs and other resources.
There I just let some of my sciency side loose a bit. I think I’ll be venturing into my creative side soon. Yay!! I have my internet back. Excuse me while I go enjoy me some information consumption about the lovely Higgs boson and the supposed “God particle.”
Hey, I am listening to this song – dig!
Backyard pictures from last night. (Except for that squirrel he was from this morning.) Enjoy!
I have taken a slight break from my other information consumption’s. I have not eliminated them completely, but I have not been staying with my brainy, techy, mathy, sciency type of loves lately. I do hope they forgive me. As soon as my life gets settled I will be running full force into their arms and letting all of their genius manipulate my brain into accepting the wonders and bewilderment of things I long to understand and enjoy.
I do not know if Marilyn was on the autism spectrum, but I do know that I connected to her for several years. I read everything I could about her, I had posters, life-size cut-outs of her, calenders, pictures, stamps, picture books, that is all I can recall now. I wrote a poem for her, but have no idea what I did with it. I felt for her, and her life. My heart hurt for her and in a way she and I were friends, during a very lonely time in my life. Looking back though, remembering all that I read about her, it would seem the chances were high that she was an Aspie girl.
You don’t love me at all? O God. O Shit.
You still ‘respect me.’ Thanks. I value it
About as much as one who’s asked to use
A second hat when he’s in need of shoes.
Since, I discover, my own self-respect
Is quite enough to keep my spine erect
Why is it true my ample self-affection
Will not suffice to buoy me in rejection?
“Fiction is an act of willfulness, a deliberate effort to reconcile, to rearrange, to reconstitute nothing short of reality itself. Even among the most reluctant and doubtful of writers, this willingfulness must emerge. Being a writer means taking the leap from listening to saying, ‘Listen to me’.” ― Jhumpa Lahiri
) Red Bull Stratos
