Woot! I have heard back from the two artists, I requested to use their images for my next set of poetry books. They do offer their work freely with the images I chose, but I wanted to get permission and offer some sort of compensation. I am excited because I adore both images very much.
Igniting my passions! I hope that by working on these books that I will push my creativity. I want to break through the walls of my imagination. I know that I have a pretty decent imagination, but I would like to keep trying to pry it open more and more. I would like to pull out those stories and poems that I have been too scared to write. I think I may have gotten a “passion” bug from watching this.
I have shared several posts about my dreams. I found interesting tidbits regarding owls and dream interpretation. However, I had another dream last night about an owl. It was the strangest thing though, he went to sleep. I will share the dream in a moment. I never give up a chance to talk about how much I love owls.
I love those creatures. I have four animals that I have a deep affinity for, owls, ravens (crows), wolves, and cats. I feel a kinship in a way with them. Lately, I have also had images of wolves soar through my mind. I have a special connection with wolves and a particular dream I had when I was in my twenties.
I shared about it on one of my other blogs titled “Dreams.”
Let me just say, my dreams are normally a definite sign that I am processing and connecting. The dreams stir a whole bunch of stuff up in my subconscious and start to uncover things that I have kept hidden from myself. I hope that I will find this time around many things becoming settled and peace of mind.
My dream from last night.
I was asleep in my bed, as I awoke I noticed that my bed was outside under a massive tree. It felt as if it were around midnight, I looked up and saw a shadow then, it manifested into my dad. He was talking to me about all of the things that he needed to do, and shared some information about people in our lives. As he was talking, a huge bird came walking up – the creature came straight for me.
At first, I could not tell if it was a red-tailed hawk, or an owl. Finally, I could see it and it was a magnificent owl. Its eyes were golden and bright, they pierced into my spirit. My dad continued to talk, not noticing the owl. His wings were rich with color and when it turned to its side it had a few feathers hidden into it that looked like a shimmery turquoise/darkish green color.
He looked at me for a moment then, hopped into my bed. He laid down upon my pillow, and covered himself up with my blankets. He went straight to sleep. I looked at my dad who was still talking, I could not understand what he was saying, and he was unmoved by the whole owl situation. I was excited and wanted to get a picture of him. I do not recall what happened for a few minutes.
I wanted to get a picture of the owl and did not want to wake him – I was so afraid that he was going leave. I ended up finding a camera, but it was my old one that was broken. I asked someone to go get my other camera. I am not sure it may have been my cat that I asked. (Dreams are funny.) Somehow I got the camera, my dad said he had to go at this point. He was telling me about church and my sister and the way I should talk to her when she is upset.
He walked off, my eyes caught the a glimpse of the sky. It was a blend of radiant reds mixed with purples, the moon was full and glowing very bright. The other half of the sky was a mix of dark blues and blackish and purples, with white fluffy clouds blended. I said my good-bye’s to my dad, his body faded into the distance. He turned into a dark shadow that seemed to fall into the other side of the earth.
I looked back at the owl he was still there. He did not leave, but he stayed quietly sleeping in my bed. I had a constant fear and worry that he was going to leave – I desperately wanted him to stay. I was frantic about getting pictures because I felt as if he would disappear at any moment. I wanted to capture him on image so I would never lose that moment.
I could not get my camera to work. I never got a picture of him. I decided to lay down and go to sleep next to him. We laid together facing opposite directions and I went to sleep too. I had the sense that he had no intentions of leaving. I woke up to that.
Heads up: This is a block of text that I normally do not do on this blog, but it seems that my mind needed to get it out. I cannot really share some things on my other blog I do share some of those tidbits here. It’s kind of my secret place. (kind of) Ok, not really I am horrible with keeping secrets! Ha ha ha It does have less traffic.
I have not had such intense and vivid dreams in a while.
It could be that I had hidden myself from myself for so long. It was much easier to not feel and suppress anything than to look at what I had become in reality. As well as all of the things I was trying to escape from. The truth is I became a shell of myself. It was the only way I could survive my world – it was the only way I learned how to live in the world. I took on an identity and convinced myself to believe that identity. Now I am suffering the consequences of a lifetime of suppression.
I am dealing with the pains of accepting myself.
I think that the dream I had the other night was a reflection of my fears and the uncomfortable feelings of accepting me and the changes that I am making in my life. I heard before “You have to get comfortable with being uncomfortable.” I do not recall where. I thought it was a good mantra though. I do not recall all of my dream, but I do remember the part that woke me up in tremendous turmoil.
I will share what I remember.
A person from the post office called me and said that I needed to come down there right away. They had intercepted a package that was to be delivered to my house. They said that they had to open it and they found video footage of me doing horrible things, hurting people. I did not understand why they would have opened it so I asked them why they did. They informed me that the package gave clear indications that it had the potential of being dangerous.
“Whoever sent it has a strong hatred toward you.”
I found this to be so odd and I asked what the package looked like to give them such an impression. They refused to tell me and when I requested to see it, they refused. They said that there was no way they were going to let me look at the package – it was that bad. I was very confused and asked what the video footage had on it. They said it was of a woman harming people at one moment the woman was burning someone with a cigarette. I do not remember what else they said.
As they described it I was emotionally distraught.
I said that I would never do any of those things that they had mentioned. For some reason, they believed me and did not feel that the woman was actually me. They had the impression that someone who hated me was trying to set me up. Still I was worried. I started combing over my memory trying to remember if I had caused any harm to anyone. At one point, I got so confused and unsure as to if I had ever done those things even though I knew that I never had.
I started to question my character and myself.
I started to take on the blame for those actions that I had never done. I knew it, the post person who did not know me knew it, but for some reason I started to doubt. It was triggered by my fear of another person hating me. I failed to mention that in the dream I was also doing what I enjoyed. My life felt on track, and my head was calm and clear. In my dream, the package and the accusations started to cause me to doubt and fold into fear.
I wanted to go down there to see the package.
I wanted to see the video because I could not stand the thought of someone hating me. I then, was overwhelmed with fear that maybe, just maybe I was the horrible evil person that they had videotaped. Maybe I had done all of the rotten and hurtful things the person who hated me so much said. Without even seeing the video or the package, my mind started to accept this about myself.
Right before I woke up, I felt uneasy and confused.
I was battling my conflicting feelings of knowing for a fact that was not me and I never did any of those things, and the feelings of doubting myself and questioning my integrity and character.
I think the dream was self-explanatory.
I have been much bolder in speaking out my feelings and my needs. I am not allowing people to say things to me or about me in sidling words that are not true. I am not accepting things that have been spoken to me over the years because now I see them and know what they mean. Before I was confused. It is as in my dream, I was told things, critical jokes were made, or offhanded comments were made that caused me to question and doubt myself.
It is scary and hard to stand up against these things.
I feel guilty for speaking up and at times, I feel as if I am going to be attacked with words, or forms of passive-aggressive language/body language that I do not understand. Every day I am pressing forward, changing my perception of myself, and changing how I react. My calmness is frightening to some, but that is who I truly am a person who is mostly calm, peaceful, and one who seeks harmony.
I have missed my calm self very much.
I cannot even recall the last time she has been around. My life has been stuck in survival mode for decades. I struggle with anxieties, loops, and negative thoughts and I am fairly certain that I always will, however, my ability to self-sooth and find peace in the midst of my chaos is what I have missed for so many years. Before I spent all of my time escaping into worlds and fixations. I felt that they were the only things I could trust.
I lost all trust in myself.
The reality is that I was trying to escape from the “false me.” I wish I had learned this stuff earlier, I find that being in the now is not so bad. Many things caused me to be traumatized over the past decades and forced me to shut down into protection mode. What I called “losing my joy” was not that at all. I had lost my contentment. Any self-assurance that I did have before had been dwindled into nothing.
I lost myself, my ability to trust myself, and most of all my voice.
In the past ten years or so I really stuffed down any remembrance of my true self. It caused me to slip into a daze and lose my many other skills. There are so many things that contributed this happening – I am very thankful that I can look at them as learning lessons now instead of things to be fearful of. I had no idea all of this was going to come out. Oh, well I will leave it. Possibly, it can help others.
Oh, goodness my dreams! I had another interesting dream. I do not recall all of it, but it seemed very peaceful. I remember looking out of my window and seeing four owls sitting on the hill. They were all watching me and I was smiling at them. One of them was fluttering his wings, and the other four were sitting there as if chattering about important things. I watched them for a long time and they watched back. I felt happy. I wish I remembered more of it.
So I had to go in search of owls and dreams, right? I knew some of this already, but I do enjoy my dream searches. I also am a very open skeptic. I do know that dreams can be powerful and have deep meanings to them. I also know that some come be plain silliness. However, this owl dream did seem to very important to my brain as well as bringing some solidity to my chaotic feelings. Anyway I found this and thought it had some great stuff for me to ponder. Owl Spirit Meaning, Symbols, and Totem Here are the titles of some of what is discussed.
Silence, Solitude: Is the bustling cacophony of daily life overwhelming you, are your words getting you into trouble?
True Sight, Secrets: Is someone in your life being dishonest, are you being left in the dark by friends or family?
Change, Intuition: Do you feel stagnant or apathetic; does that little voice in your head constantly nag at you?
Night, Dreams: Are you being hounded by fears and worries, have you been having strange or disturbing dreams?
At least reading this gave me some peace of mind and helped deal with my anxieties I am feeling right now because of a post I did on my other blog. Feeling a bit exposed, I am. I am also feeling guilty for sharing my feelings and as if I should not tell anyone how I feel for fear I may hurt them. My stomach hurts, I can’t eat, and I am on the verge of an anxiety attack because I am afraid that people will not understand me. So I am inclined to focus on my owl dream because it makes me calm.
That is all, happy-sad me. I am SO addicted to this album Armchair Apocrypha - Andrew Bird at the moment. Yes, I bought it the night I watched the video. Then, I spent the entire next day cleaning and listening to it. It was heaven. Woot!
That was in my head only a moment ago. I am feeling quite odd today. Things have not gone as planned. It started with last night. I was very tired, but unable to sleep. Finally, I drifted off falling into a dream. I was in a log cabin for some reason. I would not normally be in a log cabin. I actually noted that in my dream somewhere in my subconscious I thought, “Why am I in a log cabin? I would not be in a log cabin.”
Ok, so I am in the long cabin in a nice cushy bed. As I was lying there, I felt an urge to go get a box that I had hidden away. I opened the box and found love letters from my lover. The only one I ever loved. In my dream I had all of the words they have ever written to me, but that I have never seen or heard. They were like treasures that gave me more joy than anything I ever felt before. However, I was unable to read any of them. As I tried to open them, the words melted and I was never going to see or read what the letters said.
I was left wondering if they were love letters at all, or had I only thought they were love letters. What if they said something else? The room was covered in a glowing candlelight hue, I held tightly to the letters and the box as I cried and my heart broke beyond any pain I could ever describe. Then a person came into the room and they told me that the letters were never real. I made them up and I watched the person (A person that I know.) take them from me and set them all on fire. While that was happening in my dream, I heard a loud crash that woke me up in real life.
I was terrified and thought someone was breaking into my home. The cat heard it as well and he was just as freaked out as I was. He looked at me as if I had better do something. I got up with weapon (a thick curtain rod :-/) in hand and investigated my home. I went and got my phone pretending that I was calling someone just in case someone was outside watching. I turned on the backyard lights and the kitchen lights. I kept the phone to my ear and checked every window and door making sure that the door alarms were on.
I felt sick to my stomach because I could not figure out what the noise was and because the dream made me feel so sad. I felt the heartbreak from my dream. The letters that I will never read… What a horrible dream! Icky! I had to watch TV for a little while to help my fears calm down. I finally went to sleep around 1:30 am or so. I was up before 6 am. I hope I get more sleep tonight and have a better dream!
I watched this and was stirred a bit. Stir, stir, stir…
Last night, early this morning actually, I awoke from a strange dream. (I wrote this yesterday morning, just clarifying.) The dream went like this:
I was cleaning a swimming pool; it was not my pool rather it belonged to a school. For some reason I was supposed to keep this pool clean for all of the children who were swimming in it on a daily basis. I did not interact with many of the kids because my job was to clean the pool after they all had left for the day.
As I was scooping leaves and bugs out of the water, the fabulous clear, blue looking water took me in. The ripples filled the pool and it was such a beautiful sight to see the sun glistening on the water creating shadows through the ripples. Trees were hovering over as if they were looking into a mirror.
I had finished getting the debris out and went to turn on the pump, as I walked to the other end of the pool I noticed spinning and splashing. Then, I saw a huge red and white python, with two tails looking like octopus tentacles flapping about in the water. His head was massive, about the size of my own. I felt scared, but also mesmerized by its beauty and its intriguing tail. I immediately snapped out of it, thinking the snake needed to get out of there because of the children.
I ran to find the head teacher and share with her about the snake. She was not alarmed at all. She asked, “Does he have something on his head that looks like a skin hat of sorts?” The image that flashed in the dream was of a dinosaur known as an Amurosaurus.I said, “No it did not look like that, it looks like a python!” She waved hands and mumbled something about it being her pet and not to worry. She walked off and left me standing there.
I decided to go back and finish cleaning the pool. When I went back to snake was gone. I could not find him anywhere. I felt a little fear lurking about as I went behind the storage place to turn on the pump for the pool. He was not there – he was gone. I was both sad, and feeling a certain type of foreboding. I went back to the pool looking into the deep water, then all around the rectangle shape. I thought, “I wonder if I can walk on this water?”
I put my foot out and started running. I was running on the water! I ran all around the rectangle full speed, splashes of water hitting my shins and calves. I was laughing, hooting, and hollering, with great joy. I kept running, feeling the sun hit my skin, the water caress my bare feet, and laughter rolling out of my belly.
That was it. I woke up feeling very tired and groggy, but full of refreshing thoughts. Although for some reason, my body is in pain today. I feel exhausted, drained, and hurting in places. Still the snake was so spectacular, and the running on water thing felt like such freedom that I could not help, but feel really good.
Maybe I had this dream because I have been swimming a lot lately. Maybe because I heard White Snake on the radio last night and laughed. Maybe because I am feeling freedom in certain thought patterns. Maybe I needed a dream to give me some hope. Maybe, for no reason at all it does not matter – there are certain dreams I do not want to forget and this is one of them. I admit I did go in search of interpretations of my dream. It is what I do. As always, I discovered various mindsets based upon religion, superstitions, symbolism, etc… I still enjoy reading the various interpretations of things.
No one had my exact snake, so I could only go so far with snake, two-tailed, python type of thing. I believe it may have been a Blood Python. I did not know about them until this morning when I tried to look up my snake. I did find this interesting: Dreaming of Snakes – The Meaning of Snakes in a Dream
The Eastern Perspective on Snake Dreams: The Esoteric Body
The snake is a symbol of Kundalini, a Hindu concept of pure energy located within the base of spine. Kundalini is described as a dormant potential force in all people. Yoga is the practice that is supposed to awaken the Kundalini energy. Yoga evokes the progress of Kundalini through the different chakras. Each chakra leads to a different level of awakening and mystical experience.
In dreams, the snake could represent wisdom, spiritual awakening and inner power.
The snake is a very positive symbol within the eastern cultures, practices, and religion. Individuals familiar with these practices may discover their dream relates to these concepts more than others.
I love snakes – I think they are fabulous to watch, for me a snake dream is a good one. (As long as it’s not attacking me, of course!) Apparently, water dreams are very symbolic too. Look at this!
Walking on Water – Means you at the top of your emotions and you have complete control. You might also have some hidden qualities.
Splashed by Water - This is a dream symbol where you unconscious is telling you to wake up! Get back on track with your life and stop stalling.
There you have it. I used to be heavily involved in dream interpretation, but it was through a specific mindset. It caused me to lose all of my dream interpretation information I had consumed in my previous years of dream information consumption. However, going back to researching has made all of this information new and refreshing to me. I am finding it all fascinating.
Smiling! Mumford & Sons put me in a trance…
(An addition) It is now 4:20 pm, I published this in the morning. I checked my email a moment ago to discover this subject line, “Announcing Python at Codecademy.” I found it very amusing after my dream and all. I am not reading into it – I thought others may have an interest in checking out the link as well…
CRAZY dreams! Geez, I need to tone down what I am feeding my brain. All kinds of wacky connections and people in my deep sleep…I think it was deep. Anyway, I also had poems and songs flying about my brain during my slumber and was actually able to remember two so I am getting them down.
Keepsake Touch
I did not know it would be the last time
body too elated
finally experienced it
I did not know…
my last time being hugged rightly
warmth of another’s arms without pain
never drifting again…
feeling soft around me
a gentle heartbeat next to mine
pounding together rapidly, but quiet
nevermore would I feel my form in unison
all other arm’s always daggers
I did not know…
I could do nothing about it
a lifetime set before me of being breakable
feeling no touch except in my dreams
I did not know…
still it would not matter
existence of a hold far better
a keepsake in my slumber
I cannot explain my connections to this poem and this song, but it’s there. Well I could, but it would take too long to write it out. My dreams were very colorful last night and the picture reminded me of them.
My Favorite
could there be any other
yellow bluster folds
numbers dance in swinging beats
I could not adore anymore
the whispers of the breeze
the leaves crossed my path
standing under a black blanket of sky
real or made-up
the lighting seemed fixed
warm December night
strange
my scarf lifted by an indivisible hand
you were there
I heard you speak
thoughts filled
just like before
the atmosphere changed
God’s hole in the universe opened
I snuck a peek into you
you peering back at me
I heard you say “I’m Here”
smile filled my lips
they glistened
my favorite always with me
sitting inside my heart
So I had a dream on Friday, I guess it was like a lucid dream hey that reminds me of a song wait…Silent Lucidity. Ok, I am back to my dream. In the dream I was looking at the clock and thought it said 110, but I realized that I was seeing it wrong and it was actually 111. The clock had the three numbers together. Odd. I didn’t think much of it.
Then last night I had a dream with the numbers 2002 flashing at me, then I saw 1420, but realized that was not correct it was actually 1620. I cannot remember anything else.
I decided to look at the numbers all together and got nothing in my Google search, of course I added them up as well. Here we go.
1+1+0+1+1+1+2+0+0+2+1+4+2+0+1+6+2+0 = 25 (I like 2 and 5) 2+5= 7
7 is said to be a very spiritual number. It can mean perfection and completeness. In Christianity it can represent God or the gifts of the Holy Spirit. Just to name a few. I really just like 7 because of its amazing goldish yellowish color it is when I look at it or see it dancing in my head. I did just write something about the movie Se7en which is a favorite so that could be a contributing factor.
I took the first set and found this site Divisors of the Integer 1101112002. Ok, cool. Then I took the other set and got nothing, but travel and discovery in the Renaissance and information about the Mayflower, and Christianity. That is cool too, but I was not in the mood I was in the mood for numbers, hence reminding me of The Sounds-Painted by Numbers.
Um…no idea what the dreams mean, but I didn’t want to forget so here it is a crazy excerpt of my dreams.
And another thing for today Modern Buddhism. I find this an interesting read, but I will have to agree to disagree with this quote:
“If everyone sincerely practises the path of compassion
and wisdom all their problems will be solved and never arise again; I guarantee this.”
Really? I have a hard time with that, but I will not throw out the whole thing there can be some good things to learn in it still. I am so not done, but I think I have to limit myself for now. Oh, except this one Scale of the Universe.
Indiana loses to Ohio final score 80-63 (80 + 63 = 143 1+4+3= 8 love me some 8)
I am hoping that this is the longest post I have on here from this point on, since it was my first I think I am a bit wordy.
