Stars…

I have an affinity for stars. I go to the cosmos and stare into the faces of stars when my lonesomeness and isolating feelings start to overtake my brain. They are such interesting objects that can hold my attention for centuries - stars.

I am having a particularly hard time today. I had some words spoken to me and other things that were revealed that have sent me into a spiral. I find it so confusing when someone claims to be helping me while saying at the same time how “difficult” I am. Is that really helping a person who is already diagnosed with self-esteem issues, an anxiety disorder, and a depressive disorder? Yeah… it does not feel like it.

Anyway, I have been trying to hold on to my positive feelings that started to manifest later last night, instead of allowing such things to affect me – it is hard. In my adventures today, one lovely Renee of Rendezvous With Renee posted this song.

I could have sworn that I shared a video from them. She is walking, there is a guy playing guitar, I cannot remember the song now. I know I have it in my drafts somewhere I must not have posted it. I thought I did though. Oh, well. It just bothers me when I feel like I have done something and I haven’t.

After several minutes of digging, because it was frustrating me, I finally found the post. It was lurking about in my drafts titled “Be Gentle – Ask About Their Story.” I abruptly ended the post - I do not know why. I do not feel like rereading to find out. Here is the song Grace Potter and the Nocturnals “Low Road.” (July 21, 2012 at 7:58 pm I have no idea what was going on with me that night.)

Funny I thought I shared this next song before too, but I cannot find it. I am not going into my drafts again. It has too many tunnels, twists, turns, and forks in the road that I am not up for today. Oh, sorry here is the song.

You know what, I am feeling better already. I am not falling for negative hooey today, nope. Instead I will share this song because, um… I dig it and it makes me sing and dance.

Ooh La La La La…. I think I am secretly from Paris.

Beyond Awesome!

I just watched Felix Baumgartner jump from space. Wow! That was too amazing. The suspense was too much there for a few minutes. I was anxious and excited for him at the same time. I took pictures from the monitor because I am silly like that. They will probably have better ones soon, but hey, I got my own.

Between the excitement of this incredible event and the wonderful red-tailed hawk that showed up in my backyard I can barely contain myself! Yippie! The hawk watched every move I made as I tried to get a good picture of him. I hope he sticks around I like him a lot. I have some photos of a twisted tree too. Here is more interesting stuff to check out if you have not already about Mr. Felix who, happens to have a grand-fine-lively name. (I used to have a cat named Felix and I am rather fond of the name. )  Red Bull Stratos

My fantabulousness photos for ya!

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

 

Just Go With It

“There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket – safe, dark, motionless, airless – it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.” ~ C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

She said, He said

unable to love -
she said, tattered shredded heart
still I love, he said

sun burned blood in me -
she said, waiting through gray dusk
my eyes love, he said

cannot stop my love -
she said, moon ablaze, her eyes
soon; you’ll see, he said

invisible hold
she clung, winter’s mist – she breathed
he let go! she cried

waiting on dream-paths
she saw, visions in the sky
I am here, he said

This poem was inspired by the song below. I am infatuated with the song today. My ears start rebelling when I try to stop listening to it. I am not quite sure why I chose that image – it just felt fitting.

So… the song got me wondering what exactly is a white table. Of course, I saw an image of a white table and a person sitting there waiting, contemplating, ruminating, etc… Then, I thought I bet this has some sort of spiritual significance or something. (Because you can find some sort of spiritual meaning into anything.)  Also, I do enjoy traipsing around on the internet looking up my random thoughts, to see if they hold any new information for me.

AND this one path did. (short version ahead)

I looked up white table, led me to Mesa Blanca, sent me to La Mesa Blanca Spiritualism, read this: The Caribbean, thought hmm…Delta Spirit? Obviously, I had to go look up Delta – I mean with my love of Greek numerals (any numerals, really) and all. I am pretty sure that we all understand what spirit is, but I still like to look up things and so I did. You never know when you have a misconception - better to test the mind than, stay oblivious. (Sometimes…) 

So really all I did was entertain myself for about 15 minutes and came to the conclusion that the song makes me think of this:

“Egungun Spiritualism is form of spiritism that has strong Kongo–Bantu roots. Elements from Lucumi/Regla de Ocha are evident. This type of practice, designated by the use of chants and dancing (performed by the mediums) in a line or chain to the beat of songs, hymns and invocations that ultimately lead to a state of trance or possession by theSpirit, is seen in rural areas and in the province of Santiago.” (my emphasis added)

The song is chanty-like, the drums have me and won’t let me go, I am in a trance, the beat is wringing through my body and sending letters flying into lengthy haiku’s telling a story that may or may not have something to do with the moon crashing into the earth. Woot!

Can you tell I am allowing myself a bit of fun lately? Yes, I am allowing myself to write whatever pops into my brain and letting it flow. It feels good.

The Tale of Genja

Interesting I had initially started writing a post about this book on here, but then my story unfolded and it ended up becoming much longer. It also became quite a tale that I had not appreciated until I wrote it out. For the full version you can read that here Quest For Genji.

Everything happened that I wrote with the exception of books talking to me and such things like that. As much as I feel things talk to me, I know very clearly that they do not. I did stumble upon a channel last night that was sharing about The Tale of Genji and I became fascinated I started researching and reading all kinds of interesting links. I will share two.

(1) The Tale of Genji 

(2) The Tale of Genji 

They are different. It led me into another spin. I am stuck on syllables for some reason. I do love poetry that uses the masterfulness of numbers. I am stuck on that as well. I find it such an amazing talent for those who create brilliant pieces using numbers. I dabble and play, but I seem to be such a free style writer. Even the ones that I count syllables for have to hit me and rush out. If I try to do it on my own nothing comes out. :-/ Sorry I was sidetracked, it led me to Japanese Hiragana. So exciting!

I must be off to bed so I will stop now. Wait? Did you see this picture today? Love!

 

Happy Is As Happy Does?

I do not understand that idiom, but I will go with it. I am transitioning from a looping negative state into a happier balanced mind. I am so happy to see Curiosity made it and is happily roaming around Mars for our intriguing pleasures. The delight for all of us grounded to the planet we currently call home. It is good to see Mars getting its rightful attention being that it is a love interest of mine. I wrote a poem about him you know, Mars.

Joel Levine: Why we need to go back to Mars

Infinity makes me happy.

Pictures from the weekend. 

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

Lovely song.

Anna Ternheim – Terrified

No one I’ll rather be with than you
Never say the word but our eyes always do
My head explodes and my mind’s a mess
And I’m dying to move like young boys do

No one I’ll rather be with than you
Away with the bothers and the saddest of news
Sober or not, high and down below
Days you know but nothing flows

You see me like no one saw me before
You see me like no one saw me before
And this part terrifies me so

No one makes me free like you make me
I speak my mind, I’m honest and I’m cruel
I lay out my cards, I’m a joke, I’m a fool
But the beast in me sleeps oh so peacefully, oh so peacefully

You see me like no one saw me before
You see me like no one saw me before
You see me like no one saw me before
You see me like no one saw me before

Copied from MetroLyrics.com

Smiling.

New “Loop Action” Here We Go!

I will go into a mind dump here and see what happens…

Designing for the Future Book (Video of Craig Mod. Aaaaa! Awesome!! Just found him today.)

Why There Are 24 Hours in a Day

Why the Knotted Language of DNA Sounds Like Music

Alaska northern lights sequence

Into the wild: cultivating the next generation of American scientists with Project Aether

Artist Heather Dewey-Hagborg Uses DNA Surveillance To Swipe Your Genetic Identity for Art

Missed these. Say Happy Birthday to Antoni Gaudí With These Eye-Twisting Designs (Lovely)

Marrying Tech and Art

Went to these too.

Seven Things Extroverts Should Know About Introverts (and Vice Versa)

SWARM 

Scott Sona Snibbe (Interactive art)

Visual Complexity 

I had to stop myself from getting obsessive about some of the Tech art sites. (I only shared a few.) It makes me scream giggles and clap with excitement. So freaking cool!!! I know, I know I can be a nerd. SO!

Come with me, come with me, my sweet lovely, on a trail of make-believe and reality. We will spring into a fancy new dimension, that used to be all fantasy of optical illusions. Here we trip into the past pulling it into the future. Ideas, dreams, visions of grandeur morphing a new existence! Oh, I love the future and past, embracing full present tense walking on the clouds of space waiting on happenstance. Giggle That was fun.

Speaking of happenstance…

I am stuck on French things currently, not sure why, maybe it’s me enjoying my name Angélique supposedly meaning “Messenger of God.” I just like saying it repeatly sometimes to remind myself of what my name is. I forget my name sometimes. Hee hee  It is quite easy to fall into Angel and think nothing more, but I do have four additional letters to my name. I like to say “ique” repeatedly as well. Somewhere in the middle is the le point du jour. (leuh pwahn doo joor) I found it much more fun to say than aurore, they are both fun to say.

Love, love, love, hum-hum-hum don’t know what she is singing and I do not care…la la la

Appreciating The Doodle

I love the word doodle. I so enjoy words that have double letters. It goes along with my double number love as well. Such as 11, 22, 66, but my all time love is eight. However, you will not see me use 88. No, no you will see 8∞. Eights always float into infinity for me. Love  me some ∞!

Today’s Google Doodle was this fabulous piece.

Which of course, led me into a search of the grand artist. I meandered onto Why is Google honoring Gustav Klimt with a golden doodle? Then, leading me to clicking on this Google Doodles you’ll never see. And absolutely leading me to a page that I frequent when I get into my image seeking, and desire to repeat the word Doodle, loop. Doodles

I find great pleasure in discovering new information, being reminded of old special interests, and sealing my eyes upon such interesting doodles. I went to Wiki to see what I could find about the word doodle – I found this inticing.

The word doodle first appeared in the early 17th century to mean a fool or simpleton.^[1] It may derive from the German Dudeltopf or Dudeldop, meaning simpleton or noodle (literally “nightcap”).^[1]

NOODLE! A doodle, a google, a boogle, a woogle, a zoogle, a yoogle…

I am saying “Dudeltopf” repeatedly now. So what about Gustav Klimt? Well he is an interesting fellow. www.iklimt.com

Oh, a fun word Jurisprudence, speaking of fun words Biocentrism is a fun word too. What else is quite entertaining? A Theory of Everything? (!!!)

How about an Elegant Universe? Want to know more about Brian Greene, here you go Brian Greene Professor of Physics & Mathematics, Columbia University

I know, I know I am all over the place. I had to let some of this out. My brain is taking over my fingers and not filtering anything! Ha!

So um, I just listened to this Omnia - Alive with lyrics. Fascinating indeed, indeed. Woooo! Didgeridoo… 

A Song of Enchantment

by Walter de la Mare

A song of Enchantment I sang me there,
In a green-green wood, by waters fair,
Just as the words came up to me
I sang it under the wild wood tree.

Widdershins turned I, singing it low,
Watching the wild birds come and go;
No cloud in the deep dark blue to be seen
Under the thick-thatched branches green.

Twilight came: silence came:
The planet of Evening’s silver flame;
By darkening paths I wandered through
Thickets trembling with drops of dew.

But the music is lost and the words are gone
Of the song I sang as I sat alone,
Ages and ages have fallen on me -
On the wood and the pool and the elder tree.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Here I go ending with more fun.

Yellow waves all around us
I know we have to share the so amazing trip we gonna do
Don’t be afraid all day, I stay with you

I’m Back… Dancing With Nature

This video is more beautiful than I could ever describe… no words to describe. I may have some to describe how it made me feel. Soon…

After watching this video, I am madly, wildly, intriguingly, indubitably, full of a word that I cannot describe. The closest thing is love, though it falls short and does not impact what is bursting out of me at this moment. Today… I have been given today, and I am loving it!

Funny the next video I am sharing, I have no words for yet I am watching it as I type. I am still on body parts, studying the body, especially trying to understand my own. This does all tie into other things that I am pondering such as body-image, and what does it mean to be a woman. My data base (brain) is consuming and processing.

Without further ado… (I like using ellipses (triple-dot punctuation mark) today…)

TEDxSF – Nicole Daedone – Orgasm: The Cure for Hunger in the Western Woman

I experienced this feeling and connection one time in my life, and I am so stoked to hear it explained to me. It has been such a source of confusion for me. I was not necessarily ”stroked” in the manner that she is referring to, but I experienced intense pleasure, connection, and the only other word I can think of is respect. I felt respect in our alone time together and like my body was not being mauled. I know that sounds horrible, but that is the best way I can describe it.

It fills me with connections and joy just thinking of that person. They helped me feel connected to myself for some reason… I wonder if their empathy for me boiled over to make it possible for me to feel it for myself. I don’t know I am babbling now… Quantum leap – brain gush – infinity. Big smile.

I am back.

How ironic I have been exploding (ha ha ha I said “exploding”) with intense “love” emotions today and discover this video about orgasm and connection only moments ago. I have had a lot of that today – many things all overlapping and linking in my mind. Must be because Friday the 13th is so lucky!

RSA Animate – The Divided Brain (Awesome! I adore soaking up info about the brain!)

Japanese Zen Buddhist Philosophy

As you can see I am off on some sort of loop. I am not sure where I am going, but I am sure it will be a wild ride! Weee!! I am needing a techy fix soon – tomorrow I presume. Today X- class Solar Flare! AND Aurora Forecasts!

Listening to…

Joie de Vivre

joie de vivre

Let me say today I had a fabulous time at the beach – it was the perfect beach day. I tried to catch tiny fish that were nibbling at my legs, and feet. I watched a dolphin swim up and down the shoreline all afternoon. I tried to get a picture, but he was too fast. I almost caught a fish in a bucket that was about 5 inches long. He was too fast also. I did cartwheels all over the sand, one right after the other until my vertigo started to act up. I felt too good to stop!

I watched a couple hula-hoop and it made me giggle with joy. I started doing ballet twirls all through the pools of water that had been created by mid-afternoon. Perfect pools with rippling water filled with golden sparkles from the sun. The wind was so strong that it almost knocked me over. I told my mom that we were doing a workout just by trying to stand against the wind! She took today off from work for no apparent other than she needed to and we hit the beach.

A fantabulously-awesomeistic day! Until I got home and was given some news that sent me into a spiral of panic, to then, be given other news to help me be calm again. Yikes! I was hoping for at least one day of jollity with no stressful intrusions. Oh, well… I am back to feeling titillations of vibrating gladness.

I need to go take a shower, but I had to write out my happiness in case I lost it in the shower. You never know what types of things could be lurking in the shower. Remember Psycho? Yeah, something to think about. (giggle, giggle) I am not sharing very many reads today. I am music minded.

I read this though The Gospel of Stephen King … and Venus, Hello! Transit of Venus on June 5-6, 2012

When I feel happy like this I think of Regina Spektor.

Finding Me 

flood me scavenger of light
pumping into my veins
pulsing air
gasping
lurching into tingling sparks
drifting across my eyelids
wishing for dark fog
to puncture an opening
let the beauty rush in
flare my flapping wings
bursting away
my blossoming soul erupts
blasting
thrusting heart shards
capturing smiles pricking ether
smoke rises lacing visuals
a figure eight
swimming past my eyes
making dinging notes
cutting across the sky
slivering a slice through the vortex
peeling off skin that never belonged
tearing off masks that were crooked
shredding clothes that never fit
clasping a body
I didn’t know was mine
left open
swallowed into the vacuum
of au courant

Some Recent Pictures

I have not shared many of my pictures recently. I have captured some really lovely pictures of the sky and some critters. I did take a picture of a rainbow that appeared right before a tropical storm hit. I wasn’t able to get the colors very well though. The sky turned yellow, but it changed so quickly that I missed it. However, I did get the purplish sky right before the rain came down.

One of the sunset pictures reminds me of an Egyptian eye. There are some fabulous sunrays and cloud pictures. I wish I had a better camera to truly capture the beauty that I see. I think my camera did a pretty good job though.

I went to the beach today and got some grand shots. I have to say though – my mom took the coolest picture. I am a bit apprehensive to share it because it is the back of me, but the reflection on the sand looks so awesome! The water and clouds look amazing to me. I made it black and white so I would not feel so self-conscious.

This image reflects much of what I feel. I am not sure how to explain it, but it feels like my mom actually captured a true moment of me being me. (Even if it is only my backside. Lol!) In a way, I feel disconnected like that is not me at all and it is a person who is about ready to walk straight into the sea never return. At the same time I feel utterly connected and whole with myself. Strange. The image makes me feel very happy. I love water, and I love the ocean.

I also took pictures of the inside of the house alarm system the other day because I thought it was fascinating and I liked looking at all of its details. I have a picture of my computer with my background of Toothless…I thought it was funny. He has green eyes. The beach made me think of Moby today. I am not sure why.

I watched Infinity the other night. “A chronicle of the life of Richard Feynman and his relationship with his wife, Arline.” You can watch the whole thing here Infinity. I am not sure if it can be watched in other countries. The movie had a slow pace, but it was a very endearing film. Matthew Broderick seemed to play Richard Feynman very well. I do have a great fondness for Richard P. Feynman. (I think ol’ Dick was an Aspie, at least he had very many traits. I am only speculating. )

Picture time!

This slideshow requires JavaScript.