Oh, I did not forget! I was well aware that yesterday was Ada Lovelace Day. However, I had more pressing things going on and was unable to be on the computer scarfing up all the info I could about my dearest friend who lives in the past. She may not know we are close friends, but that is ok.
I think I may have shared some of these before, but as far as I am concerned you can never get enough of Ada!
I am so excited for this to come out Wollstonecraft. I did support his kickstarter and am anxiously awaiting the digital version to come. Here is the authors fb page Jordan Stratford so you can go check it out if you would like. I think it is such a wonderful idea to try to motivate any girls to become as pro-tech, pro-science, pro-anything that has been predominantly male engulfed type of subject, occupation, etc… I understand that some girls may have no interest in it, but I wonder how much of that is influenced by the prominent gender roles that have been placed on us.
I believe the same applies for everyone – I feel that it is important to let people cultivate their interests and their gifting no matter what society may think. Tear down gender roles and let people be people. Allow them to succeed it has nothing to do with their sexuality, though that may not fit the “societal norm,” the main thing is that people are allowed to succeed in life in what comes naturally to them. We all have talents and giftings that could impact our world no matter how great or small our contribution – if we are allowed to learn how to build into them and are able to share without judgment. I do not know if I made any sense there I went on a rambling adventure!
I had to stop myself from getting obsessive about some of the Tech art sites. (I only shared a few.) It makes me scream giggles and clap with excitement. So freaking cool!!! I know, I know I can be a nerd. SO!
Come with me, come with me, my sweet lovely, on a trail of make-believe and reality. We will spring into a fancy new dimension, that used to be all fantasy of optical illusions. Here we trip into the past pulling it into the future. Ideas, dreams, visions of grandeur morphing a new existence! Oh, I love the future and past, embracing full present tense walking on the clouds of space waiting on happenstance. Giggle That was fun.
Speaking of happenstance…
I am stuck on French things currently, not sure why, maybe it’s me enjoying my name Angélique supposedly meaning “Messenger of God.” I just like saying it repeatly sometimes to remind myself of what my name is. I forget my name sometimes. Hee hee It is quite easy to fall into Angel and think nothing more, but I do have four additional letters to my name. I like to say “ique” repeatedly as well. Somewhere in the middle is the le point du jour. (leuh pwahn doo joor) I found it much more fun to say than aurore, they are both fun to say.
Love, love, love, hum-hum-hum don’t know what she is singing and I do not care…la la la
I love the word doodle. I so enjoy words that have double letters. It goes along with my double number love as well. Such as 11, 22, 66, but my all time love is eight. However, you will not see me use 88. No, no you will see 8∞. Eights always float into infinity for me. Love me some ∞!
I find great pleasure in discovering new information, being reminded of old special interests, and sealing my eyes upon such interesting doodles. I went to Wiki to see what I could find about the word doodle – I found this inticing.
The word doodle first appeared in the early 17th century to mean a fool or simpleton.[1] It may derive from the German Dudeltopf or Dudeldop, meaning simpleton or noodle (literally “nightcap”).[1]
NOODLE! A doodle, a google, a boogle, a woogle, a zoogle, a yoogle…
I am saying “Dudeltopf” repeatedly now. So what about Gustav Klimt? Well he is an interesting fellow. www.iklimt.com
A song of Enchantment I sang me there,
In a green-green wood, by waters fair,
Just as the words came up to me
I sang it under the wild wood tree.
Widdershins turned I, singing it low,
Watching the wild birds come and go;
No cloud in the deep dark blue to be seen
Under the thick-thatched branches green.
Twilight came: silence came:
The planet of Evening’s silver flame;
By darkening paths I wandered through
Thickets trembling with drops of dew.
But the music is lost and the words are gone
Of the song I sang as I sat alone,
Ages and ages have fallen on me -
On the wood and the pool and the elder tree.
Oooooo, I’m a jammin’ to some Deep Purple cause that’s what I am feeling. I dig them, you know. Deep purple… eggplant I suppose.
Why “hush?” I am not sure it is the word that popped into my brain when I sat down to my computer. I heard in a quieted voice “hussshhhh” and immediately a poem started brewing. The color purple swarmed around in my head and by then, I had the song crawling all through my brain stem.
I thought of the butterfly that came by today while I was outside, who fluttered all about sucking up nectar from the flowers. It flew in and out, around, in between, playing flapping close and then, far from me. When butterflies do this to me, they always have a story to tell. I am known around these parts as the “Butterfly Chaser.” All the butterflies know me even in their short life span. They like to come and visit. I have only seen a few since I have arrived however, it has been too hot.
I have not seen such a prized treasure as I had today. She was so lovely indeed. She allowed me to get close enough to see the white dots on her thorax. A perfect beauty that sucked up all of my attention – grabbing me with its eloquence and revealing magnificent tales, she had seen. She sucked on purple flowers – quite possibly that is a reason for my purple mind invasion. I was quiet, and hushed as I observed her details and movements.
She tickled passed my face and arms at times. She was here most of the afternoon. It was one of those times in life that seemed to stand still for hours. A great gift from the heavens to enjoy the company of a soft spoken, elegant creature. I scooped up her stories, filed them away, and will pulling from them in the future. She had a copious amount of chronicles to flap and flitter about. Divine tales to unfold in my mind.
Here she is.
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Geez! I love this song!
Mesh notes seeping,
overflowing my core.
Hypnotized covered eyes,
sealed with butterfly wings -
brushing against my lids.
Soaked into musical vapors.
Fill my bones,
soothing voice.
Drive solace home,
my solace that swept in,
from dots of a beauteous thorax.
Liturgy of fantasies written,
in the lines of wings,
all about this daze.
Mesmerizing tunes,
spilling songs of you.
Antennas lurching harmony,
whisking in the storm clouds -
bouncing above my head.
Thunder pounding in the distance,
drumming keys,
in sync with butterfly wings,
glued into my eyes.
Forelegs snapping to the notes,
eyes looking into mine.
Spreading a knowing melody,
the creatures all know of you and I.
I have taken a slight break from my other information consumption’s. I have not eliminated them completely, but I have not been staying with my brainy, techy, mathy, sciency type of loves lately. I do hope they forgive me. As soon as my life gets settled I will be running full force into their arms and letting all of their genius manipulate my brain into accepting the wonders and bewilderment of things I long to understand and enjoy.
I do not know if Marilyn was on the autism spectrum, but I do know that I connected to her for several years. I read everything I could about her, I had posters, life-size cut-outs of her, calenders, pictures, stamps, picture books, that is all I can recall now. I wrote a poem for her, but have no idea what I did with it. I felt for her, and her life. My heart hurt for her and in a way she and I were friends, during a very lonely time in my life. Looking back though, remembering all that I read about her, it would seem the chances were high that she was an Aspie girl.
You don’t love me at all? O God. O Shit.
You still ‘respect me.’ Thanks. I value it
About as much as one who’s asked to use
A second hat when he’s in need of shoes.
Since, I discover, my own self-respect
Is quite enough to keep my spine erect
Why is it true my ample self-affection
Will not suffice to buoy me in rejection?
“Fiction is an act of willfulness, a deliberate effort to reconcile, to rearrange, to reconstitute nothing short of reality itself. Even among the most reluctant and doubtful of writers, this willingfulness must emerge. Being a writer means taking the leap from listening to saying, ‘Listen to me’.” ― Jhumpa Lahiri
and this is what happens to my autistic mind when I go into a shutdown. Music. I need music. It pumps my heart, it makes me breathe, it is a sifter to my soul – shaking up all of my little parts letting go of what I do not need. It keeps those other bits that require attention or that make me – me. There is a lot to my love affair with music I will only share briefly. However; this post is longer than I expected it to be. (I have come back to the top to reread all that I have written.)
I confess for years I thought something was wrong with me because I was drawn to music that seemed darker than what others seemed to like. Such as being obsessive with White Zombie for a period of time. I really like this song “Feel So Numb.” I was addicted to “More Human Than Human” for months. I played it repeatedly for days on end. I listened to a lot of Type O Negative during that time as well. (Peter Steele is missed.)
There were not many girls (or guys for that matter) who were into my music. I had a couple (Literally, only two I can think of.) that shared my interest in thrashing beats and steel-toe boots, but mostly the girls were into the dance club music. Light and fluffy, feel good, make you smile type of stuff.
I am not that girl. Even when I took all secular music out of my life (brief period of insanity) I couldn’t handle the mainstream religious music. I still enjoy the music I found, but now the words and feel can be triggers for some painful times. However, here are a few of my favorites. I dig Vineyard music.
So near – VINEYARD (One of the best, it is hard rockin’ sweetness. You can scream if you like. Hee hee)
Holy - The church that I had the most positive experiences in had amazing musicians, when they played this song it would get raging intense. It was awesome freedom. I wish we could have freedom like that with no religious trappings. Not only with faith, but also with everything in our lives. I think that is why Flash mob is such a hit with people. Everyone just wants to let loose and feel freedom.
I am a whore i do confess But i put you on just like a wedding dress And i run down the aisle Im a prodigal with no way home But i put you on just like a ring of gold And i run down the aisle to you
Sometimes you have to get a little old school Vineyard up in the house. Wooooo!! Happy feet! All Creation. The album Hungry originally came out in 1999, but I had not heard it until 2001 because it was from the U.K. I seem to be drawn to more music in other countries. I do like my U.S. music, but I have an affinity toward music from all over the world.
I enjoy a little shackle-free dancing too. Hee hee I was part of the dance team at one of my old churches at one point. We did hip-hop and lyrical. We were so street! Ha ha ha We did a dance to this song Shackles.
One of my favorite soundtracks was from The Apostle…and Pulp Fiction…and Natural Born Killers…and…and…I could go on forever with soundtracks. Sometimes I like them WAY more than the actual albums.
Wow, I did not intend to share so much – I still have more. I like songs that make me feel. I like songs that pull out my guts. I need to experience my emotions full force so I can embrace them. That does not work with some music. Now do not get me wrong I dig all kinds of tunes even some of the “feel good” types, but there are certain sounds that I have a kindred spirit with. Mostly acoustic or music with thrashing chords and hard drums typically draw me into them. I do adore the simplicity and complexities of sounds that make my ether soar.
Though, my heart does cry for sounds that I can only describe as digging. They feel like they are churning something in my body, and pulling up dirt splattering it everywhere. Like this song.
Then, I’ll get a crush on music like this Peatbog Faeries – Captain Coull’s Parrott. My body throbs for Celtic music, this has a unique flare to it, but it makes me feel all breezy like floating on the air being a whimsical chic.
Sometimes I really want the raging lyrics from The Runaways….“Cherry Bomb” (1976) “Hello world I’m your wild girl, I’m your ch-ch-ch-ch-ch cherry bomb!”
After I get my groove on, I can leap into music like this.
I went through some of my music, can you tell? I am barely able to communicate with human adults at the moment. Only my mother in real life actually, all the others are talking too much and causing my ears to bleed. I am doing much better with virtual people, but still I have to limit myself because my flesh feels like it is exposed to the wind right now. I had words flood out of me, but I do not think the poem is finished – I do not feel done.
My Beat
I have a beat, it’s pounding
Drowning out, my delirious ways
Opaque wiggling through the impenetrable
Stung with color
Leaping eyelids
Speaking urges with my wet lips
Listen closely
My words reveal secrets paths
Racing down trails
Covered in lightening bugs
Songs prancing their tunes
In and out of trees dangling leaves
I found my beat, stepping on banging stones
Pounding naked toes, tapping
Cracking sounds into my bod
Exploding awake – cognizance
You found me
Pouring out lyrics
Thrashing limbs to drums
Strumming percipiency
Expounding guitar strings
Lips whistling precipitant thoughts
The ocean called once again today. I think it is getting sad since I will be leaving it soon. It crashed and roared spitting out seaweed all across the shore. I was shocked to see it covered and sitting there with such a stench. My little ones and I stood on the edge of the water wanting to play in its soft, cool water, but the seaweed continued to attack with its beady little pricks and pokes. Scraping across our feet, trying to cut us away. Rampant seaweed doing the evil bidding of the angry ocean. Most assuredly, it is filled with bubbling jealousy since I am leaving it to go back to the river.
My first love, beckoning my heart with its own stench. I do love the ocean so – it is much more grand than the river, unless I go visit the rapids that indeed pull and tug at me to come get beaten up, my body being bruised by its hidden rocks. Eyes blurred by the amazing canvas wrapping around it, hiding glorious treasures to be explored. Oh, how I wish I had both bodies surrounding me with their loving caress… I do have such an affinity with water. I will float now.
Sometimes this song… hmm… this song I could listen to a billion times.
I was listening to the next song and decided to look up the songmeaning site because I find it interesting to read how people interpret songs. Many times I have seen people say that a song is about sex, drugs, or love. I wish people didn’t make it so simple. True poetry and songs are not that simplistic. It normally has layers of wonderful things to capture. Our world has layer upon, layer piled on from years and years of whatnot. Whatnot’s spewing seaweed all over my beautiful beach. HA!
And if I close my eyes I can still see you dancing Laughing loud and undiminished
Indeed Mr. David Gray, indeed your lyrics twinge my heart, capture my black spots I have hidden in the back of my soul to be awakened at this moment. My body swells with disconnect, fully connected to something tonight.
I am going to go talk to an elephant now. He lives in my closet, sneaking peeks into my religious books and tells me how I have had it all wrong. Sometimes he is pink and wears a tutu when I practice ballet. La la la la la la I am just being goofy pay no mind my shenanigans. Unless you feel like dancing with me and my elephant coaxing him with music trying to get him to sing.
I am sharing a quote from Ray Bradbury (I am a fan.) I read some of it on a grand blog that I enjoy reading often. Go Coco J. Ginger!! I was immediately sucked in because under her name on the left side of her blog she says, “Ich Liebe Dich” which is different from ”Ich habe dich lieb” I will throw this one in here as well “Ich liebe dich von ganzem Herzen” However, I do not know German all that well so please do not get a little freaky on me.
Oh, look! Schnuffel - Ich hab´ Dich lieb – official video (Auto-tune Bunny singing about love. What? Lol!) Yes, yes I will add here that I found this fantabulous German artist Philipp Haager. Sorry, I get sidetracked when it comes to anything German. I am leaping back to initial conversation… After, getting over my distractedness I started reading her words and have enjoyed them ever since. Alright, alright here is the quote that I was talking about. Images first!
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“To sum it all up, if you want to write, if you want to create, you must be the most sublime fool that God ever turned out and sent rambling. You must write every single day of your life.
You must read dreadful dumb books and glorious books, and let them wrestle in beautiful fights inside your head, vulgar one moment, brilliant the next. You must lurk in libraries and climb the stacks like ladders to sniff books like perfumes and wear books like hats upon your crazy heads.
I wish you a wrestling match with your Creative Muse that will last a lifetime. I wish craziness and foolishness and madness upon you. May you live with hysteria, and out of it make fine stories – science fiction or otherwise. Which finally means, may you be in love every day for the next 20,000 days. And out of that love, remake a world.” ~ Ray Bradbury (August 22, 1920 – June 5, 2012)
What else was I going to share today? I have no idea I am lost in palpitating heart sweats feeling lost in limbo -raging stories that cannot seem to find their way out of my head! Emotionally, I am disturbed and wildly in love. With my purple rock that is sitting on my desk because it loves me back with smoothness. Maybe I am falling for my black skeleton head candle that keeps winking at me I do have a thing for bald men. Stop it, Angel! Please excuse me I am all kinds of zany.
Hey! Who is looking for beauty at their beck and call?? Try this brand new product. (It’s a joke.)
My TED adventures lately… be warned I am stuck on the body and how it works in various ways right now. Also, neuroscience is something of great intrigue to me ALL the time.
Ami Klin: A new way to diagnose autism (I saw him at an autism symposium and found his research so interesting and wanted to get absorbed in it, but I do not have the time I would like to spend delving into all of it.)
I cannot find the exact translation, but I will share what I found.
Inside me a madman/fool sings
A silver river
Illuminates the whole world and blue eyes
Cut the starry sky
I make a wish and close your eyes now
Yes, do that, may it now come true
Oh no
At the speed of the stars
Inside my heart explodes, an airplane rumble
Cracked open the earth sings
I make a wish and close your eyes now
Yes, do that, let’s go dance
Everything is forgotten in a bliss, and may it come true
I open my eyes
Oh no
My best friend whatever may happen
I swallow a tear and breathe in your hair
Making a ruckus, we cry on each other’s arms
When we meet
When we kiss
Lips burning, holding hands
I see you waking up
I see you naked
Within me a lunatic sings
Always you wade, we run faster
Everything becomes smaller, I scream louder
Am about to wade, going away
My best friend whatever may happen
Making a ruckus, we cry on each other’s arms
I swallow a tear and breathe in your hair
When we meet
When we kiss
Lips burning, holding hands
I see you waking up
I see you naked
Within me a lunatic sings
My heart feels like a blossoming bud, and I want it to stop. I wish my petals would stay perfectly fit, silently hiding, keeping my full burst trapped and secret… Alas, my heart tingles – my body giggles, my legs prance and my smile refuses to leave my face. Teeth glistening and laugh lines tattoo creases into the air with pleasant sparks of sheer frivolity.
Basking in whimsicality, chortling on echoing invisible waves taking me into the new places I belong. Celebrating me allowing emotions to touch my heart, and giving myself permission to feel without fear. I have been freed from skin that was not mine, and touches that I never desired. Crackling shells from my flesh leave me standing for the first time able to say without repercussions, “I am free from the hindrances of others – I belong to me.”
My eyes had scales drip to the floor able to see my true colors. Tears washed away grimy dirt that plastered itself upon me with each word spoken over me telling me what needed to change. I have heard on several occasions throughout my life, “You are almost perfect.” Many of them with intentions of manipulation, others I am sure they meant through kinder intentions, but how could I know. A vessel condemned and broken with words, and demeaning actions.
Broken
Stolen
Shattered
Swallowed
Longing for someone to confess once that I was beautiful without stripping me of myself while saying it. I think I heard it once, only once with true intentions. They unable to know what or how to care for a wounded soul as myself. My crust that was supposed to be a soft outer layer, bombarded with thorns attacking any sweet thing about me. Why must the world try to destroy such delicate creatures? A heart pounding with deep love, only longing to pour it out. A body desiring to be touched, but fingers leave burn marks imprinted for all time – like a cigarette scarring my soul.
Darkness filled the shadows in places I had filled with light. Collisions of stars that lived deep inside crashing into each other over and over again – until today when they decided they had enough. Lashing rays of light and consuming all black that tried to hide.
Rummaging!
Sweeping out caverns
Chasms
Cracks
Cavities
Burrows
Slithering!
Forcing light to break into hollows
Pits
Shafts
Mysterious tunnels
Collecting all that was unspoken of -cowering in the abyss.
Escaping absurdity into puffing winds flailing out of my lungs. My lungs finally able to breathe without the dread of losing my breath again.
Inhale
Exhale
Collapse
Expand
Drawn into the everlasting folds of freedom and air.
New worlds
Renewed eyes
A heart able to love
A heart able to love back
Decades of merriment
Waiting to laugh with the shadow that helped me feel my skin for the first time – again.
This time seeing it alone, covered in memories of kisses… kisses that felt right and did not sting my lips. When the moon bounced upon my hair and it felt like mine. No shame filled my heart. Today there is no shame and the existence of guilt melted into the smoldering sun. My eyes caught glimpse of something magical and my world turned into fractals of golden paths. I am walking into deliquesce glimmering the shine that was always meant to be. I confess delight and longing, and wholeness through tunnels that have since been revived.
Eyes filled with glorious hope, weeping waves of healing – showered in acceptance. Scaling off a word that has been foreign to me, attaching like a second skin. Gone into the melting pot of old and wrong things. I sail into oceans way diving into forgiveness and receiving it myself.
No need to attack my flesh anymore and my skin forgives me. I accept it living in harmony – if it is but for this moment of delectable joy wafting my soul. Reaching in and pulling out all forms of goodness that has been stuck in a box for a decade. Shaking with anticipation for the day of eruption to arrive vowing never to return. Never!
It’s too late, there is nothing powerful enough to tie this down, or attack it again. Trying to stuff it is an impossible task. The heart is set – walking through valleys that pulverized after making it through. No going back, the way is ahead and all is at peace.
(I had another post in mind when I came on here, but this story/poem came out instead so I am leaving it. I had many inspirations today, I am thinking my brain needed to process them. I wish I could find the perfect song to play, but I cannot. Although, my aunt did post Fix You by Coldplay this morning…that is a pretty amazing song and always makes my heart leap with sadness and joy. Hmm… I guess it is the perfect song.)
I was so overwhelmed by the beauty of these artful creations, and the technology they are using to do it. As she was describing everything I saw multiple components coming together forming perfect unity and harmony – it is the manifestation of poetry from words into physical elements. Those are the best words I can use to try to articulate what I see and feel with all that she is doing.
A while later, I also felt covered in sadness – only a little bit because these types of things are what flow through my head and I am incapable of creating them. I try very hard to describe what is going on in my head through words, but at times it feels lacking. Motivation to try to get better!
Of course, I have not come up with these exact things, but in my head flows such imaginations that I do not have the abilities to get out. To see or hear something even a tiny bit similar to the thoughts inside my head come alive, gets me jumping with enthusiasm. She is also enticing to watch and listen to… I was truly captivated when she said, “Computational Form Finding.” Aaaaaa!! How exciting! I love this stuff! If you click on her name above you can see the images of what she has created. (I want to go to MIT!)
I was amazed and intrigued, the colors, textures, and designs I felt like they were breathing through me. I am not sure why I connected to them so much however, I had the same feel and emotional reaction when I heard Regina Spektor and watched her videos for the first time. I felt connected to something bigger – I have no other way to explain it. It is ironic that I was listening to Regina yesterday and then, later discovered Neri – an interesting tidbit.
“Nature authors not forms but processes… recipes that mix material and environment together, and from these mixtures form emerge.” ~ Neri Oxman
