and this is what happens to my autistic mind when I go into a shutdown. Music. I need music. It pumps my heart, it makes me breathe, it is a sifter to my soul – shaking up all of my little parts letting go of what I do not need. It keeps those other bits that require attention or that make me – me. There is a lot to my love affair with music I will only share briefly. However; this post is longer than I expected it to be. (I have come back to the top to reread all that I have written.)
I confess for years I thought something was wrong with me because I was drawn to music that seemed darker than what others seemed to like. Such as being obsessive with White Zombie for a period of time. I really like this song “Feel So Numb.” I was addicted to “More Human Than Human” for months. I played it repeatedly for days on end. I listened to a lot of Type O Negative during that time as well. (Peter Steele is missed.)
There were not many girls (or guys for that matter) who were into my music. I had a couple (Literally, only two I can think of.) that shared my interest in thrashing beats and steel-toe boots, but mostly the girls were into the dance club music. Light and fluffy, feel good, make you smile type of stuff.
I am not that girl. Even when I took all secular music out of my life (brief period of insanity) I couldn’t handle the mainstream religious music. I still enjoy the music I found, but now the words and feel can be triggers for some painful times. However, here are a few of my favorites. I dig Vineyard music.
A good “pondering” song here… Derek Webb – What Matters More
So near – VINEYARD (One of the best, it is hard rockin’ sweetness. You can scream if you like. Hee hee)
Holy - The church that I had the most positive experiences in had amazing musicians, when they played this song it would get raging intense. It was awesome freedom. I wish we could have freedom like that with no religious trappings. Not only with faith, but also with everything in our lives. I think that is why Flash mob is such a hit with people. Everyone just wants to let loose and feel freedom.
Waterdeep – I’m Afraid That I’m Not Supposed To Be Like This
Wedding Dress (Chorus below)
I am a whore i do confess
But i put you on just like a wedding dress
And i run down the aisle
Im a prodigal with no way home
But i put you on just like a ring of gold
And i run down the aisle to you
Enter The Worship Circle – Today
Vineyard | The Rhythm of Heaven
Sometimes you have to get a little old school Vineyard up in the house. Wooooo!! Happy feet! All Creation. The album Hungry originally came out in 1999, but I had not heard it until 2001 because it was from the U.K. I seem to be drawn to more music in other countries. I do like my U.S. music, but I have an affinity toward music from all over the world.
I enjoy a little shackle-free dancing too. Hee hee I was part of the dance team at one of my old churches at one point. We did hip-hop and lyrical. We were so street! Ha ha ha We did a dance to this song Shackles.
One of my favorite soundtracks was from The Apostle…and Pulp Fiction…and Natural Born Killers…and…and…I could go on forever with soundtracks. Sometimes I like them WAY more than the actual albums.
Wow, I did not intend to share so much – I still have more. I like songs that make me feel. I like songs that pull out my guts. I need to experience my emotions full force so I can embrace them. That does not work with some music. Now do not get me wrong I dig all kinds of tunes even some of the “feel good” types, but there are certain sounds that I have a kindred spirit with. Mostly acoustic or music with thrashing chords and hard drums typically draw me into them. I do adore the simplicity and complexities of sounds that make my ether soar.
Though, my heart does cry for sounds that I can only describe as digging. They feel like they are churning something in my body, and pulling up dirt splattering it everywhere. Like this song.
Then, I’ll get a crush on music like this Peatbog Faeries – Captain Coull’s Parrott. My body throbs for Celtic music, this has a unique flare to it, but it makes me feel all breezy like floating on the air being a whimsical chic.
Sometimes I really want the raging lyrics from The Runaways….“Cherry Bomb” (1976) “Hello world I’m your wild girl, I’m your ch-ch-ch-ch-ch cherry bomb!”
After I get my groove on, I can leap into music like this.
Later, crashing into this.
Oh, but my heart sings and cries for beautiful pleasures such as this Miaskovsky – Sonata for cello and piano No 2
I went through some of my music, can you tell? I am barely able to communicate with human adults at the moment. Only my mother in real life actually, all the others are talking too much and causing my ears to bleed. I am doing much better with virtual people, but still I have to limit myself because my flesh feels like it is exposed to the wind right now. I had words flood out of me, but I do not think the poem is finished – I do not feel done.
My Beat
I have a beat, it’s pounding
Drowning out, my delirious ways
Opaque wiggling through the impenetrable
Stung with color
Leaping eyelids
Speaking urges with my wet lips
Listen closely
My words reveal secrets paths
Racing down trails
Covered in lightening bugs
Songs prancing their tunes
In and out of trees dangling leaves
I found my beat, stepping on banging stones
Pounding naked toes, tapping
Cracking sounds into my bod
Exploding awake – cognizance
You found me
Pouring out lyrics
Thrashing limbs to drums
Strumming percipiency
Expounding guitar strings
Lips whistling precipitant thoughts
