I went to visit my river for the first time in years. It welcomed me back with a gust of stench, and gleaming sunlight on its ripples. Lovely haze over the sky drenching the suffocating ozone over my eyes. Still I found beauty and peace. I am feeling my mind slowly getting back to its normalcy – a bit of balanced chaos would be the best way to describe my normal frame of mind.
I am taking it easy with my thoughts. No, not really I have so many pounding around in my brain that to gather them and filter them in a cohesive tunnel is virtually impossible at the moment. Instead, I shall take in the sun in my backyard, and finish laundry afterwards. I was not expecting the cooler weather to start affecting me so rapidly. It is, and I should have considered that when my negative looping came and smacked my brain.
The sky is already different, the air already smells cold, the sun is changing, and I am not used to this. It has been years since I had to face the changing seasons. I hope I can enjoy them. I know I will see beauty there is no question about that – I fear what my mind and body will feel with the cold. I am missing my ocean today, but will place my heart into the slow, soothing waves of the river.
I heard the song below today on my way to the store, I really liked it. I think the lyrics are something of a comfort to me. I relate to them very much. I had never heard of Audioslave. (Apparently broke up in 2007, I was definitely sheltered during the years they were together.) What? Chris Cornell is in this band and I have never heard of them? I have been so sheltered, so sheltered. Soundgarden and Rage Against the Machines fan here. No wonder it sounded familiar and I liked it.
If You Forget Me
I want you to know
You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.
If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.
if each day,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine.