It is gray, rainy, and warmish. I keep looking up at my window waiting for something – not sure what. Clouds to break? The sun to glow down a smile and swallow into my throat waking existence that tried to be taken today by negative people and light switches turning off.
My window dirty on the outside, but oh, so clean on the inside. On the inside, it’s quite reflective. Am I waiting for the raindrops to come in like a rushing storm crashing against my flesh to wash away any resemblance of residue… watching the black snake scurry across my backyard, and the lizards running for dear life, except that one.
The one sitting on the air conditioner fan with his foot flapping from the wind blowing up. Unbeknownst to him that one small step would take his tiny life. I told him to go! He did not – he watched me like a fool with his foot flapping above the sucking blades. I left him unable to bear the thought of something happening to him in his innocence. Leaving the backyard to its grieves of nature.
Drifting back to my desk, cursor ticking, “Angel, Angel, Angel” I stare back up at the window being called to a far off place full of slipping water puddles and monkey rain boots. Splashing wildly in my nakedness – nothing but my rain boots and water cleansing me from all that has stuck. Not my doing, those who insist on making me wear frumpy gray clothes and ugly shoes.
And the song keeps me clingy to what I believe. What I know about me and what I understand about the words of love – if anything at all other than when they are spoken through a foreign language seeking familiar lips.
One day, I will hear them for the first time and they will be real. Manifesting vibrations piercing out sound waves that flow gently not staggering and sharp.
Light collecting in my eyes rapping into my ears, caressing tunes of leaping autumn leaves, covering me in words that lift my heart into life. Breathing fresh air while hugging tree trunks. My fingers rubbing against each word as it is spoken into my heart creating chords attached to the tune of my soul, finally able to be strummed properly.
I am holding on, I am holding on to something that dwells beyond my mind. It captures spiraling galaxies, leaving trails of glimmering steps leading to the unknown that is completely known. The knowing that is bigger than this and smaller than that, living inside forming great collections of holding.
We all hold on to something… something that keeps us alive and hopeful. Climbing the ladders going upward grabbing the hands we are supposed to link fingerprints with along the way. Holding on to each other making sure we do not let our foot hang over the sucking fan.
(Again I had another post, I will post it tomorrow I feel like being whimsical today! All of that came out while listening to this song. I guess I got inspired. )