I felt like saying I love you so I am saying it to the Moon. 
My mind is too tired to share, but I did feel like sharing this song and a quick poem. Good Night all!
catch my kisses you bright beam
hover into my shadow
smile upon me
let us shine together
pull me in
keep me close
tell me you love me too
don’t leave hanging
like a big satellite
sinking for wink
I love you, Moon
now come on,
and love me back.
I have no idea what happened to me, but just a few moments ago I got a burst of jolly rush through me. It was as if something icky left me. Great, now I sound kind of looney. Well, I guess I have a tendency to sound like that anyway. I think my brain is catching up with me because I have been reading some “saucy” reads lately. Such as Missing You by ©Dean J. Baker (Naked lady image – you have been warned. It’s art.) Who shares some amazing poetry and wonderful stories. (Some of them seem to involve a lot of farting. Hee hee)
Also, Sam got me all stirred up with her post Day 124: My Aching Loins! It triggered me to share my poem Breath In. See when I wrote that I was feeling connected to myself. I was feeling a love and sensuality that I had blocked for years. I started to share some of my intense emotions throughout this year and you can see the transition through my poetry and other writings. I felt it-got scared-hid it again-felt it-got scared-hid it again. I am trying not to hide myself, but it can be hard. Even in the virtual land where you can be anybody.
I am not capable of being anybody. Once I realize parts of me I have to become her and let her live. Even if only I share her creatively. I love deeply, I feel intensely, and I express myself passionately at times. I am trying to be ok with that. I am done I am too jolly and have stuff to do. Enjoy the links I shared and this grandi-awesomeness song. Aww…I forgot about this poem Dancing Mind. Hmm…maybe dancing is the word of the day. (Or Grease, no, no it shall be dancing.) This poem just popped out.
Eternal dance
Stirring
Blurring
Raging
Dance
My dance
Just for you
Leaping
Twisting
Curling
Spinning
I give to you
Swaying
Pouncing
Drifting
Deep into your arms
Spiritual bliss
Connected
Interlocked fingers
Across the sky
Melting
Molding
Swinging invisible space
Eternal dance
Awakening
Hidden catacombs
Whirling feet
Tapping exploding stars
Forever dancing
Now you can enjoy the song and the lovely lyrics…. Jolliness all around!
You’re a red string tied to my finger
A little love letter I carry with me
You’re sunlight
Smoke rings and cigarettes
Outlines and kisses from silver screens
Oh, dear never saw you coming
Oh my, look what you have done
You’re my favorite song
Always on the tip of my tongue
You own me with whispers like poetry
Your mouth is a melody I memorize
So sweet, I hear it echo everywhere I go
Day and night
Oh, dear never saw you coming
Oh my, look what you have done
You’re my favorite song
Always on the tip of my tongue
The tip of my tongue
Oh dear, I never saw you coming
Oh my, look what you have done
You’re my favorite song
Always on
Oh, oh
Oh dear, I never saw you coming
Oh my, look what you have done
You’re my favorite song
Always on the tip of my tongue
Ooh, ooh
I love multidimensional creativity. It works well for me because I see everything as a giant canvas, filled with music, ideas, poems, stories, inundated with dances sculpting through nature, carved into the heavenlies, dripping ink down through our hearts painting into our DNA exploding through as many creative outlets as we can think of. It includes the art of computer programming, graphic design, and magical apps that flow through our sensory circuits and all consuming scientific wonderments and mathematical artistry.
Nothing is left out.
I get extremely excited when I see technology transforming the ideas of what is thought of as traditional art forms. While I appreciate the wonders and grandness of traditional art forms, I am drawn to pushing them to new heights and exploring what humankind can create with their imaginations!
I wish I could create the vision I have for a book to be completely interactive, from hardcover to reaching into apps, video art, being able to create the music that is playing in my head while writing words and allowing the reader to change and feel emotions into their own music reading the words… more like feeling, seeing, glowing the words into something. What, I do not know. Yes, there is math concepts involved. That would be so awesome!
I would love a book to be created that is hooked up to a community of fans who morph their ideas and visions into a living breathing work of art. It could be through a website or app on an iPad, (I do not mean to exclude other techy devices that one could create apps for, I just like seeing the word iPad by itself.) I don’t know I am trying to describe what is in my head and it is kind of hard to do. It is also frustrating because even if I could get my vision down I do not have the knowledge to do it on my own or the resources. (Um, like an iMac or Mac Pro! I would be happy with a MacBook Pro I am not picky. Ha ha ha )
I will stop my imaginations before I get too wild. If only I were a computer-techy-graphic art-mathematical-musical-illustrating-writing-poetic-completely loaded with funds and time-genius. Sigh…I am not and I will have to leave my imaginations to limited websites. Oh, I forgot philosophical-spiritual guru-neuroscientific mastermind-able to connect all sensory pleasures into the hearts of all – completely linking them to my BOOK! I am planning on taking over the world! Alright, I am kidding. It is fun to imagine.
Seriously, I have been thinking about this a lot lately and have read some interesting things. I get so excited thinking about the future – I can’t help myself. I read several things the other day, but got sidetracked and can’t locate them. I will share what I remember and what I already had stored in my drafts. I also have another collection of links about Divergent Thinking, I will probably share tomorrow. Still pondering-connecting-purging-morphing-singing…I heard this song The Moody Blues – Nights In White Satin today and I have to say I do not get tired of it.
How Amazon is changing the rules for books and movies
Teens Getting Creative With Web 2.0 Tools: Multi-Dimensional Way of Communicating Is Evolving (I wish we could gear our culture into doing a better job at helping teens be innovative in areas of creativity, and environment issues.)
Life as a Multidimensional Creative Being
SEEDMAGAZINE.COM (creativity section)
I had a very long day, managed to get lost and a little late for an appointment…at least, I discovered a cool spider hanging out on the bushes in the parking lot. I tried to get a good picture, but couldn’t. I have one that is alright.
Later, I went to the beach and took some pictures as well. My mom and I saw a creepy black thing bobbing in the water. It freaked us out, at one point it looked like black hair floating and I thought it may be a head. I know I have a morbid imagination sometimes. I went to investigate, but it looked really creepy and like it was coming after me so I ran off…to get my camera! No, no I am jumping ahead. Several minutes later it had washed up on the shore. We went over to check it out and it looked like some creepy creature. It kind of reminded me of a bunch of stag beetles. I thought possibly at any moment the cluster was going to start pulling apart and come after me!
So I did what any normal person would – I went to get my camera! On my way back to the weird monster, I watched two girls stop and investigate it. They were getting pretty close and I wondered if they knew what it was. I asked them and the one girl said that it was shark egg cases. WHAT? I asked her how she knew that and she said that when she was younger she had a “slight shark” obession. Her friend said, “a slight obsession?” Then, the girl laughed and said, “Ok, I know everything there is to know about sharks.”
She put a circle around them and wrote “Shark eggs.” I got a picture before the water washed it away. I will add here that after our first few moments of interaction I am fairly certain she is an Aspie. There was some sort of kindred feeling and understanding that happened that I have discovered with other people on the spectrum, or at least people with many similarities. She however, had multiple clues to help me come to a “feeling” that she may be an Aspie. SO shark egg cases! Wow, coolest thing ever! I found some other creature type things, well the shell of something I am not sure what it was either. The clouds looked like a painting today. Sweetness!
This is all I could share today. My brain is fuzzy.
I listened to these while writing. Good Night!
Had quite the jammed packed day of busyness! I started another post, but have since gotten too tired to edit so instead I will share my images. I took these down by river. I am not living in a van down by the river! (Reference Matt Foley.) I was only visiting. Well la de frickin’ da! I just felt like saying that. I am off to night time adventures. Good evening!
I did find these in a few minutes of web searching – for other stuff.
Images…
Tunes…
You know I wouldn’t miss this! I must keep a collection of finds on here. I am singing Total Eclipse of The Heart….NOT! Ha ha ha Sorry, if you like that song. Is it stuck in your head now? Does anyone need a hero? Ok, I’ll stop before I go into a Bonnie Tyler music fest. I don’t even know how I know her songs…must have been the radio.
I jumped on here again to share.
My finds…
Watch Live: Annular Solar Eclipse Creates Ring of Fire (It’s not live anymore. hee hee)
Photos: Annular Solar Eclipse of May 20, 2012
I already shared “Ring of Fire” before so I will not share that song(versions) again. I couldn’t get Smash Mouth - Walkin’ On The Sun out of my head either so I had to put it on here. I have no idea how long it’s been since I heard it last. Oh, oh look what I found “New song (fuel to fire)” and Close Watch – Agnès Obel.
I am quite focused today and accomplishing some major feats! Operation “Big Move” in progress. (Moving approximately 760 miles from current residence.) In my spare time I have been wandering the Big Think website and watching/reading some interesting things.
Welcome to Your Future Brain: Inside David Eagleman’s Neuro Lab
How Technology Can Help Us Find Happiness
Coursera, edX, Khan Academy, UoPeople – Are the Floodgates for Free Education Finally Open?
Savant Syndrome: When Brain Injuries Create Geniuses
“I Trust You” – More Difficult (and more powerful) than “I Love You” (Excerpt below)
“When we permit ourselves to trust deeply, we are letting another human being into our heart and into our soul. We have accepted the good intentions of another so deeply that we allow them to step so close to us that we cannot protect ourselves any longer. Now we are wide open and when we meet another in the infinite expanse of true vulnerability and profound intimacy, the experience is identical to mystical intimacy with God or Spirit.
No boundaries, one Self, infinite freedom, and joy beyond measure. This kind of trust is more profound and more significant than any love that is merely personal. In this truly transpersonal love, through our relationship with the other, a new inner world opens up. This love, based on trust, is a sacred world of boundless freedom and infinite space. No fear whatsoever of loss or betrayal. This love means I’m always with you, forever.”
Hmm…that is all I can say to the last paragraph of that post. So I am off! Had my momentary break must get back to work. Whoop! Whoop!
Saw this on my fb feed, yeah diggin’ it. Love me some INXS. (Great video.)
Sometimes I just like some twangy music. Cannonball - The Breeders was a great song to dance to back in the day…still is. I am dancing.
Prepare for a minor mind dump. I am reading and trying to dissect information that I am trying to write about. Purging…
I was able to watch several crows today. I hung out at a park by the river surrounded by huge wonderful trees. The crows were amazing and caw’ing at everyone. A couple of them were playing a game flying back and forth from tree to tree. I was sucked into freedom, watching their wings spread out catching the wind and sailing effortlessly. The sun continued to shine on their blackish bluish hue and I was happy. I also watched fiddler crabs and tried to get some close pictures of them, but I couldn’t. Bummer. Instead, I found this video. Fiddler Crab Migration They were so funny to watch.
A little while ago, I went in search of some music, but ended up on TED instead. Look what I found! Joshua Klein on the intelligence of crows. Crows are such smart little fella’s. This video actually got me thinking about some other things about the human brain. I thought we really should have the same concept as Joshua Klein regarding crows. He said, “The main thing, the main point of this for me, is we can find mutually beneficial systems for these species – we can find ways to interact with these species that does not involve extermination, but that involves an equilibrium with them that is a useful balance.”
You know what he said made me think of us fellow human beings. Those of us who have very unique ways of thinking are normally ostracized for it. Though, on average we are not physically demolished for it (I said on average.) we are still demolished by those who demand we change, conform, or ridicule and manipulate us for it. Why not find a useful balance in our culture instead of seeking to destroy what we do not understand, or perceive as wrong. Crows are lovely birds and get a bad rap – like many people who are lovely as well, but because they are different, they learn to hide and conceal or live alone. They can end up with a bad rap too.
My simple thoughts for the moment. I had to go check out something on the brain…you know it! Carl Schoonover: How to look inside the brain I am working on a post for my other blog dealing with “triggers” – it got me thinking about the connections that are made during trauma. It also got me thinking about how trauma is a wide spectrum and every person is different when it comes to trauma and stress. I am still processing, but one thing that I am definitely researching and looking into is how others use a person’s trigger to manipulate and control to force an emotional response. I have discovered that many people do this, but some of them do not even realize it. It can be a learned behavior and a coping mechanism for self-preservation. Hmm…. Maybe I am the last to know this? I can take a while to “get” things. (BUT there is a big difference between that and people using triggers to hurt someone on purpose. I am still ticked off about that.)
Anyway, I am off to my other adventures for the night, working on a story about a stray cat, and doing the dishes. Yea!
Processing….
I found the song below last night, I had not heard of SoKo I am not even sure how I found her yesterday, it may have been from images, or a word I was looking up. I cannot recall, it was not through a music source – I tend to find music in different ways. Not always, often I can find them through other videos I am watching or tunes I am listening to, but many times I find them because of another interest I am seeking.
Anyway, I listened to some of her songs, and her lyrics made me laugh. They were raw, real, and forced images or feelings that other songs like to keep tame. I have been enjoying her and smiling. When I heard the song below it made me feel like the image I share.
This image makes me calm happy!
Finding Some Words
I have trigger words that can send me into spirals of pain, and anger. One of those words is “liar.” That is one of the worst words you can call me. It is devastating when the person knows that this is a trigger word and they use it. AND they know that it is not true. I cannot explain with complete clarity how it makes me feel. I can explain that throughout my life I have been called a liar. I have been accused of things that I did not do, many times people didn’t believe me because I would lose my words and I could not defend myself.
The shock of being accused of something I would not do – the majority of the time not even think about doing would shut me down. I was only able to stare blankly, with my mind soaring a million questions. People who know me know that lying makes me cry. If I manage to get a lie out then, it will eat at me. I can go into depression. I start to attack myself verbally. I have to work very hard at manipulating my brain to even allow me to be ok with “white lies”, but I am not good at them either. I can do it, but it is so much work.
Being called a Iiar makes me sob – filling my day with tears. I was told by a person who knows me that I lied to them. I managed to get the words out “I never lied to you.” They were referring to the person I “portrayed” myself as years and years ago. When I said that they said, “You lied to yourself, and that is lying to me.” They did add that I was unaware that I had been lying to myself, but the words flew. In my mind I cannot understand such anger toward me if they know I did not do it intentionally.
I am already going through my own trauma of realizing things, seeing what I have done to protect myself throughout my life. I understand their anger, but I do not understand some of the things said to me or why they were said. However, I am at the moment only stuck on the word liar. It is pounding in my brain, beating me up - causing me confusion, and hurting me. The word is stuck, and now I am looping and cannot get past being called a liar. I see the injustice too of this person accusing me of the very thing they have done.
It goes deeper than being called a liar. I know that I am not a liar so that is not the true problem. It digs into the past – false accusations, fears of people, and the misuse of words. Lying requires misusing words and causing them to become tainted and ruined in their purity. There is a difference between telling a story, or writing poetry to manipulate words. Words enjoy that – it is fun. It is not fun to be twisted to harm another person’s heart, mind, or body. Then, words become something they should not be – evil. They should not be used to manipulate a person in such ways. I have more to ponder on this.
It is going to take me some time to work through this. I am not sure how to let it go. I am not sure how to not believe that it was said intentionally. I do not know how to let emotional spurts like that go. I am in a calm place, but I know I need to process a lot more. That was only one word. There were many words that flew. I hope my brain does not grab hold of them. I am going to have to write everything that I am feeling since I was unable to speak yesterday. I am still unable to speak much about this situation.
I will write, listen to songs, and find my words. These emotions should make for some good writing material.
Words! Sometimes it is so frustrating not to be able to speak out when I am being covered with words. I wish people understood what their words physically do to me. I cannot even gather my thoughts cohesively to make any sense to write about it. I need to get something out though.
I wish I could take a shower and have the words wash right off of me, but I can’t. They seem to spill into my psyche and attack even after the words have long vanished from the air. They are tattooed on my body, ink seeping into my brain. And the only way to coil them out is to write them through my finger tips. I am detached from the words, but they attack me. I become attached through writing to be able to release them.
There is no instant gratification like others seem to have spewing out their words and letting them slap the face of those who cannot protect themselves from the emotion, or damage. No, they feel better and those of us who feel beyond words are left to saturate in the deep swirling pool of confusion, and bewilderment. Words!
That is all I can say now. I feel a little better. Venting over for the moment.
